Writings
What If?
Anxiety can take many forms. For some, it just means being nervous when doing something daunting for the first time. For others, myself included, it means a whole lot more: It means not being able to do even the most basic tasks sometimes. But do not think of it as a switch, it is more akin to a spectrum. Therefore, the definition of what anxiety is, and what it means in daily life, is very personal. In this essay, I will try to attempt to explain what it means for me.
To start off, I want to provide a more objective definition. The Mayo Clinic defines anxiety on its website as “disorders [were people] frequently have intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations” (Mayo Clinic, 2018). This is what it is generally understood as being anxious or having anxiety. However, if we only look at this phrase, we are not getting the complete picture. In order to do that, we need to continue reading: “These feelings […] interfere with daily activities, are difficult to control, are out of proportion […] and can last a long time. You may avoid places or situations to prevent these feelings” (Mayo Clinic, 2018). This last aspect is generally overlooked, and the reason why I chose this definition is because it includes it. Personally, that is how anxiety feels. Allow me to try to put it into words…
Anxiety is being unable to get on a bus because I feel like I might die. It is not being able to step out of my room because “What if..?”. It is always doubting yourself, feeling like everything is about to fall apart at any second, and, in those moments when everything is fine, and I’m having a good time, there is a sudden “What if..?” thought that makes me feel bad again. And it is a daily rinse and repeat.
But there are ways to deal with it. What worked for me was to acknowledge what I was going through and be open and honest about it. A scary thought, for us who always feel like “What if..?”., I know, but a necessary step, nonetheless. Once you open up, a weight comes off your shoulders. Finally, the secret is out. Thinking “What if..?”. is pointless at last since you will have an actual response now. That is how you combat anxiety: You make those thoughts pointless. It is an uphill battle, and some days are better than others, but it is possible.
To wrap up, I think that it is important to stress, pun intended, that anxiety is a very personal struggle, so it may feel different to you, and, as a result, the way you deal with it may be different. But a good general starting point is to reach out: Talk to a friend or relative whom you trust. If you feel like you cannot reach out to people in real life, for one reason or another, there are several online communities that will welcome you with open arms and will not judge but will help. You are not alone on this struggle, no matter how much your anxiety tries to tell you so.